I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
