He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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