every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
