I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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