Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
