i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize