That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You are the jesus of drinking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
