You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
