im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
