Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
