he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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