my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
