Plan B is the new Plan A
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
