I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
two words: eviction party
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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