Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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