Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
