Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
