Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize