you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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