Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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