I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
