I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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