I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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