He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
