the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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