His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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