i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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