We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
