Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
