you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
