This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten