you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"