Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
