I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You made out with two different species that night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
