So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
