he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
