I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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