I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
