you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
