I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
