i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
