maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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