Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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