she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
