i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
