just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
