dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize