ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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