New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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