So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think your dad took our porno
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
