I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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