Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
