singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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