the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
