Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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