i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize