do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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