If i come over, it means nothing
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how does that bad decision feel?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize