I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
