We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
