i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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