I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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