I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
