I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Randomize
