she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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