my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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