did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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