I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
