Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
