During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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