Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
