I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i now understand why vodka
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
