I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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