I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
