shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
your like the ambassador to my penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
