If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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