shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
