i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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