I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
