Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
