My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
