John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this hospital has no fireball
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
