I can text with my tongue
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
