girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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